The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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