It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
