i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
