Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
