What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
