Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
