Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
where am i from again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
