He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
