my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
