I think my fart just growled at me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
