Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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