go do what you do best...puke behind churches
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
