but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
