Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
