I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
