Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
