dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Randomize
