I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
