When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hippo gnu deer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
