My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
