The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Did you just see the Batmobile???
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
