Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
