someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
