YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
