I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
