party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
