you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
