I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
false alarm, still single
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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