Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we made out on top of his cat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
