oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
