She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
