I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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