Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
