We should be called the Road Head Warriors
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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