i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
