We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
