my phone needs a breathalizer
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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