It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's just like the Real World with babies
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i think im in europe. pls send help
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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