the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
