I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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