my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
