U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Someone shit on the floor
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
