Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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