i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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