Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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