I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
