Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
