I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
