Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
