So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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