bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
